H is also for

I forgot one.

H is also for HAIR be where?

A few months ago  I noticed a hair growing out of my face. ONE INCH LONG. How on earth does a hair, ON MY FACE, get a whole inch long without me noticing? I mean,  It's literally right there in front of my face whenever I do makeup.  Wow.  I plucked it, I felt it, definitely grew there, not just fallen out and rested there.


Then comes the kicker. 1 minute later I FIND ANOTHER ONE. This one is growing out of my NECK, and is ( I kid you not) a generous 2 inches long. How long do I have to not notice a hair growing for it to get 2 inches? 4 months @ 1/2 inch a month?

So, if you see me walking around with kitty whiskers, or a she-beard, and it's really obvious, don't assume I know. Please tell me... not in front of a large audience or anything, but send me a text message, or whisper in my ear....provided my secret ear hair doesn't gross you out.

Dear Stupid Consumer

If your concept of "baking" has devolved to the point where you are considering shaking water in a draino container, and putting it in the oven, it's time to just admit to yourself that you don't cook, and walk 10 feet to the bakery isle and just buy premade brownies.

Coming soon... I mock frosting...

Button Change

I used to be able to fit quarters in this belly slot.

Not so deep anymore, is it?

Thirty

I've been 30 now for 10 months. AND I FEEL LIKE AN OLD MAN. 

Don't get me wrong, I actually feel in pretty good shape: I have energy, I don't feel like I'm falling apart, but there have been some new health/behavioral developments that, when I think about them, make me sound like an old FART. I think about them, and I say to myself " Charlo, you are an old fart." To this I reply "yes, yes you are."  Granted, many of them are directly related to pregnancy, but not all. Let me explain. 

 T is for Thrifty: 

So thrifty, I don't flush the toilet between the hours of midnight and 8 am, because that would be wasteful.  Seriously, all those tanks of water flushing down miniscule amounts of urine. What a waste. 

Pregnancy hasn't been a big help with this one.

H is for Hemroids:

 When I think of Hemroids, I think of Old People. Young people don't get throbbing pain as their vericose veins pop out of their bottom.  Well, of all the stereotypes for pregnancy that I didn't get (bad nausea for one),  I was lucky enough to get this one, even though I had NEVER heard about it happening with pregnancy.  Pain was helped with WITCH HAZEL on cotton balls (homemade tucks pads). Now I rarely feel them, though they are there.  when they itch, I pull out the witch hazel.

I is for Insomnia and Bladder Infections:

Fortunately, the insomnia isn't constant. It comes in few day incrimints wherein I can only sleep in 3-4 hour time slots before I am completely awake... and it's not just the peeing. I can fall right back asleap most of the million times I wake to pee. It's not even baby discomfort. It's just hormones, I guess. Makes me think of Grandpa Jim. I swear the man never slept. He took naps. Lots of them.

Oh, the bladder infections.  I startedg getting mild ones several times in the last several months. Not so bad now, but part of that is because I've learned to pee even at the slightest inkling to avoid backwash. This means I might get up 5 times in a 15 minute period when I've just laid down to sleep, hence my reluctance to waste water by flushing 20 times.

 R is for REFLUX, RIBS, and RECEDING GUMLINES:

Oh, the Old people and their silly " I can't eat that, it will give me heartburn."  I loved my spicy food and acidic fruits, and tomato sauces.  I secretly thought I would never have to worry about that stuff. I was tough. I was imune. 

I was stupid. In the begining of February Heart burn came out of no where and ruined my life.  Then, it evolved from my standard discomfort, to deep discomfort, to actually being able to feel the fluid move up my throat. Yuck. Sometimes I'd have to sleep sitting up. Cayenne pepper in water, oddly, helps a lot with this though. 

RIBS: So last week I had to start holding my rib when I coughed. BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD.  Holding in your rib while you cough does not make you feel spry. 

RECEDING GUMS: Yup. I had to switch to a "SOFT" toothbrush, and change my toothpaste.  I couldn't see the recede, but I wen't into the dentist and confirmed that the pain at the top of my tooth near the gum line was receding gum lines.  My mother had success with putting coconut oil on hers, So I switched to using baking soda mixed into coconut oil as my toothpaste, and slowly the pain went away. Now I don't notice when I eat, though I can still find some peircing pain with my finger nail if I look for it. BUT ON LESS TEETH! yip yip. 

 T is for Temperpedic:

Ahhh. The mattress of the Octogenarian. Old people love them. I love them.  I was hating our mattress, my back hurt, I wanted space. We tried a Costco nock off. returned it, then come black friday, we splurged. We got the mattress I'd been eyeballing for 6 months "on sale" for 2K. Who the heck spends 2K on a mattress? Me. I did. If I didn't want it before I was preggers, I sure wanted it now that I was 2 months preggers.  I had brett massaging my back every night at that point.  A couple more back rubs and 2 weeks of breaking myself into the temperpedic (I didn't like it at first, but they don't let you trade until 30 days) and AHHHHHHHHHH. no more back pain. Amazing support. Better sleep... and since we got a King, no more sweaty Brett legs pushing me off the bed. 

Y is for Yada yada yada:

First of all, Do you know where I am typing this from? My Balcony. I put a chair on my balcony so I could sit here and people watch while I do this. If it were a rocking chair and I had a bowl of cherries next to me, it would be even better.

I finally have a fairly consistent bed time,a nd sometimes I will even go to bed crazy early. I have never gone this long without staying up crazy late. I even leave peoples houses because it is 10:30 and I need to get ready for bed.

THE PILL BOX: So I totally have a weekly pillbox now so I remember to take everything... and I put an alert/ checklist in my phone to remind me to take them, so that I could disperse them throughout the day.



It's compartmentalized, isn't it beautiful? Fortunately, I'm not on everything anymore, but at one point I had:

4 vitamins
2 Cranberry concentrate pills (bladder infection)
1 lysine (Cold sores were coming like crazy any time I stoped taking them in the winter)
2 Cod liver oil
2 Herbal Laxatives/stool softeners.  (Hemorrhoids, because apparently once a day isn't often enough)

Cruddy photo's and other miscellany

I decided it was time for some thing  Prego-Free. And this, is 95% prego free. All for you my little Lumpkins, all for you... Because just because pregnancy is the most interesting thing for me right now, doesn't mean that it is the most interesting thing for you. 

Here is a collection of my genius, favorite "little things" and other boring stuff. 

I decided the best way to keep from loosing my phone charger was to get a mini hair clip and attach it to the lamp on my nightstand. Now I can find it in the dark, AND I can remove it quickly and easily whenever I wish. 

I got the "free" Iphone, which means it's an older one, and they weren't smart enough yet to make their chargers work in either direction. So I put a piece of post it on the "up side" so now I can plug it in in the dark by feel.

In the last 2 years I have ONLY ONCE lost my place i a book, because I am a genius and I use a bobby pin. 

And, if I I stop in the middle of a page, it marks where on the page for me. 

I worried that it's crimpyness might dent my books, but I actually haven't had much a problem. Maybe if I kept the books in my back pack it would be an issue. 

Nice and Secure

I've had tight bookmarks that ripped pages. This has, at worst, left a dent at the top of the page (not shown here).

I often freeze  half my Raw milk in ice cube trays because  I can't drink it all before it sours.  I use these to make smoothies, but if I wait too long to freeze it, then polo gets sour milk popsicles.  Waste not, want not. 

MOISTURIZING LOTION BAR: My sister gave me a "Lush" brand lotion/massage bar for Christmas. I decided I could make 'em cheeper.  This might look rough, but it worked! It melts at body temperature, and so far at 29 weeks,  I have NO prego streatch marks.  I can't be sure that this is because of my "magic bar,"  and I don't really expect to make it through a double pregnancy unscathed, but I love this still the same. I love the way it melts and slowly sucks into your skin. 

IN FACT. I loved my "strech mark bar" so much, that I made it into a chapstick. It is my favorite chapstick EVER. took my lips from scaly to soft in under 2 days. I cary it every where, but I just went 3 days without using it, and my lips are still soft. I have never had such nice lips.

I tried to make Challah for all the people we visit/home teach. I overcooked it. SO I gave it to them anyway, and told them it was for "feeding the ducks." It is still edible, but the crust is a little thick and the flavor is not as amazing. 

The ends of my hair were pretty dry, I found that castor oil is AMAZING, just don't over do it or it will look like your hair is rubbery.  I mix it into my conditioner (at max so it's 1/4 of the conditioner, but start with a pea size and work your way up), then Apply it from the neck down. Voilia, Hair started looking healthy in about a week, using a few times a week. I  haven't used it in about a month now though. 

 

Best hand sanitizer ever. 1 part to 1 part water. Add some essential oils if your into that... whether it be for their antibacterial supposed properties, or to smell pretty.