Snakes and broken bottles.

So, I got this thing called a husband, and let me tell you, it effects the way you sleep. Lets say it adds adventure... It doesn't really, but lets say it did.

Sometime earlier this year I woke up because the bed was shaking. Very short vibrations accompanied by the sound of something small rubbing against the sheets. I sit up and let my eyes adjust. I am no fool, I know this is no earthquake. Like a true detective,I discover the source: Bretts foot is shaking, and it doesn't seem to be stoping. Naturally, I am not accustomed to sleeping on a vibrating bed, and I decide to wake up brett. I don't feel bad about it because I know he'll fall back asleap and probably won't even remember it in the morning.

"Brett, your leg is shaking"
" dfhadk lsdkf Snake comming out of hole dlsjfldfj"

he rolls over and ceases shaking.
Oh, my goodness. He is a snake coming out of a hole.
And it makes sense. The shaking reminded me of a rattlesnake.

Later on, from a more coherent Brett, I learn the true story. Brett claims he was not the snake, but was seeing one coming out of the door of the airplane. Then, again, I know what he told m e in REM sleep, and I rather like the idea of picturing him as a rattlesnake, so I will stick by that story.

Now, earlier this week Brett talks in his sleep again.

"mumbla aploin dsoibin broken bottles OIM ldkh"
Now really, that boy needs to learn to enunciate better. I decide to have a little bit of fun with him.

"yes Brett"

"You did?" aha, his speach is getting clearer. too clear. I didn't like that tone of voice, it was very accusitive and some-what disapointed. I try to clear my record...

"What are you talking about?" Good Idea Charlotte, I'll make it seam like I mis-understood him, and see what he gives me to work with...

" Lkdj oimlm oiadmkl, coiadkm OImslkd OIjdlskdf ;oisdj broken bottles oiehfa oidf jn oiejf ;adlkjf oidjf oidf odkf."

obviously this broken bottle conversation is very serious, and I shouldn't be messing around with his imagination. I don't want to be held responsible for something I said.

4:30 Am

I can't sleep and I am incredibly bored. This is probably due to the fact that I took Nyquil last night and slept until 2:30 pm in the afternoon. In other news, I am sanding and staining our "living room table." but the stain is not as dark as I thought and it makes me sad. Brett and I put together our gingerbread house tonight. i added a birthday candle fence to the front yard and B decided we also needed candles sticking out of the roof. Eventually we'll light it and it will be the "festivist" gingerbread house ever. The last time I made one of these I was in elementary school... and technically it was a "graham cracker house." Cheep public schools.

Sending the hooker home

FYI, the company agreed to exchange my wrongly shipped hooker, even though it is after the return date. Also, they are paying for the shipping. Golly, the things people will do for you to get out of singing Lindsay Lohan songs.

How to buy your father a Hooker Musical 101

Dear friendly and underpaid CS Representative,

Generally, I have been satisfied with Deepdscountdvd.com- although shipping is slow, all orders sent to my home have arrived correct and within the given time frame.

Unfortunately I have not been as lucky with orders I have had shipped to places other than my billing adress. These items were sent as gifts and it annoys me to have them be the only orders I have trouble with. One arived about a week after the given date range. I figured that it wasn't the biggest deal, and didn't let it bother me- until I found out that another gift, Order #26698709, was shipped INCORECTLY.

I had confirmed with the reciever over the phone that he had recieved 2 dvd's and since he mentioned "Audrey Hepburn," I beleived everything to be fine until I recently returned from visiting him and discovered that instead of sending him DDPRD006244D "Roman Holiday" and DDPR054024D "Sabrina" (two very personaly selected Audry Hepburn movies) - Your company shipped DDPRD006244D "Roman Holiday" (Correct!), and FXD001882D "Carmen Jones" (incorrect)- which as far as I understand is a musical about a hooker... nice, I'm sure, but not very personal.

I have checked my e-mail receipt and confirmed that I did not order Carmen Jones.

I understand that even an opened dvd can be returned within 30 days from the order date- unfortuately because this was a gift, I did not find out about the error within that time frame. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF IT IS STILL POSSIBLE TO FIX THIS MIS-SHIPED ORDER. If not, please go to down to the warehouse (which, unfortunately is probably not even in the same state as the customer service department) and make the person who boxed this order do 30 push-ups while singing the Lindsay Lohan song of your choice.

Thank You,
Charlotte Valantine

bath weening

I have just realized that I like baths too much. I am one of those outnumbered souls who prefers baths to showers, and it is all because I was not properly weaned off of baths.

I am lucky enough to be here in chicago visiting my brother and his family this week. His girls had there first shower two days ago... now I was not in the house when it happened, but I got the jist of the experience when I came home and Donelly ran up to me declaring "I had a shower and it was soooo fun. I want to do it again." This was followed by eager daily demands of "can I take a shower?"

Aparently, she was afraid of it at first, but Haley got in and started laughing. Soon both girls were incesently giggling like pixies dancing in the rain. Now I say pixies and not fairies, because as I have learned on my trip here, fairies run around shrieking. THey do not laugh or sing... just shriek. I'm not sure why I didn't know that before.

They haven't learned to shampoo yet... Liz is taking them one step at a time. Lucky girls.

My first shower went like this:
We were at my cousins (Dunlaps I believe?) prior to or just following a family reunion and many relatives were staying at their house. We took turns in the basement bathroom, wich happend to not have a bathtub. It was like being thrown to the wolves. I had no idea how to tell if the shampoo was out of my hair, and the whole room was steamy. I kept getting out and looking in the mirror. No mommy to help me. Not a leve 10 tramatic experience, but probably a 6.

And that is why I can take showers, but I'd rather take a bath.

Cookies

Once upon a time I made extra cookies and packaged them up to share with people, because that is the type of person I am.

Then, I snuck into those cookies and ate them before I ever delivered them, because that's the type of person I am.

HADAPIDY BIDIRTHIDAY BRETT

Brett's birthday is on Saturday, and I've been trying to find him really awsome things on a budget. Shopping for other people makes me greedy. I find all sorts of things outside of the birthday budget that i want to buy... for my self- Like brown dress shoes that aren't ugly, and funny knickers that make me smile, even though they do not match a whole lot.



Don't wory. I bought gifts for brett, not myself.

Adventures in Halloween PART 2

WATCHING TV WITH THE LIGHTS OUT AND THE VOLUME ON LOW. This is how I spent my halloween... trying to stay under the raidar of trick or treaters. Before I sound evil and hartless, let me explain my reasonings.

1. The complex hands out these pictures. If you want trick or treaters, you are suposed to put them on your window or door. If you don't want them, you are supposed to NOT PUT IT ON YOUR DOOR.
2. I did not put the sign on my door.
3. Even if you don't put the sign on the door, everyone knocks.
4. Brett didn't want to buy candy because we don't get that many trick or treaters in our area, which is true comparitively because the freshman dorms sponsor trick or treating every year and most of the kids go to that. You see, it is a step up from trunk or treating because even though the dorm rooms are spaced like a parking spot, they do have doors... although I saw it one time and the flow of people was so steady, they just left there dorm doors open and stood there with candy.
5. Brett bought candy the night before because I was craving it. He spent his birthday money to buy it because we are poor. it is still his candy, and i didn't want to eat it all (being the type to steel to feed my addiction) so I told him to hide it.
6. On the way home from school on halloween I figured that I could give a single jolly rancher out to each kid... (which by the sound of it would have been about 15...)
7. Brett did not come home halloween 'till late. I spent overa half an hour looking through our small apartment, and could not find the candy anywhere. Not in the crockpot, breadmaker, etc... not in the shower, the freezer, the laundry basket, the camera case, the board game boxes, his undewear drawer, cereal boxes,etc... I was very thurough. He did a good job hidding it.

And that is why I spent my halloween with the lights of and the tv volume on low

Adventures in Halloween- PART 1

TRUNK OR TREATING confuses me. Yes, I have done it, and yes, it was willingly, but it is a little toooooo carried away out here.

Growing up, our church would set up trunk or treating in the church parking lot when Halloween was on Sunday so that all us little 'uns didn't cry about missing out on our favorite holiday- and yes, Holloween was my favorite Holiday, and if you think every kid;s favorite holiday is christmas, then you are wrong. You see, my favoritest present in the world was candy, and I never got any for christmas... plus my mother never made me an awsome christmas costume.

What bugs me out here, is that Halloween is on a Tuesday, not a Sunday, and yet Trunk or treating was everywhere. Think about it:

1. Why would I want to go out of my way on a Friday or Saturday to drive my car to a designated parking lot so that little grimlins can beg candy of my trunk when You and I both know they are going to come knocking on our front door on the actual holiday and ask for more candy.

2. Trunk or treating is Lame. Even as a child I thought so. You don't have to work for your goods. You just walk from car to car, a mere 3 feet apart and say "trunk or treat." You feel stupid because you have to say trunk... yet you do not venture to say trick or treat, because, frankly, this is a lame excse for trick or treating.

3.You don't have to walk up a walk way or even knock on a door. And, since you don't use doors in trunk or treating, there is no point in trying to be cute. The candy giver has already seen you running around the parking lot, so your costume is no surprise to them. Their "oh, how cute, you are a skateboarding Cow" sounds even more fake then it does when they open there front door to see you for the first time.

4. Both the trick or treater and the candy giver know that the only reason either of them are there is for the materialistic exchange of candy. Not even the littlest of kids have the spirit of Halloween with them.

So, Yes, like I said, I hated it, but i did it. And why? for the Materialistic exchange of candy in which I benifited. ANd, of course, because I got to wear a costume.

What Bugs Me... part 1

Do you know what bugs me?

Perhaps I should be asking myself if you really care; heaven forbid I should rant to an unwilling audience. Then Again, I suppose if you are reading this then you are willing... if only for the sake of amusing your curiosities in my displeasure.

Among these things that bug me are inanimate objects, such as:

1. staplers that run out in the middle of an asembly project
2. microwaves that make all their numbers "quick buttons" so that you have to do five extra steps to set the time for 45 seconds
3. water heaters that can't handle filling up a bathtub...

...BUT THESE ARE NOT THE THINGS THAT HAVE DRIVEN ME TO WRITE TIHS ENTRY. Oh no- Lets Talk about FRIENDS. Concider the following elements of the senario I have in mind:

1. You have been friends with this person for several years. As the result of time and space, there have been occasions where you have drifted apart, but then, things always pick up. You start talking again, hanging out, having long deep meaningful phone calls in moments of passion, anger, etc.

2. As always, there are always times when one of you leaves a message and the other one doesn't call you back, but then, one january your friend doesn't return any of your messages

3. february's data matches that of january,

4. March, April, trend continues... naturally, the frequency of the message leaving has been progressively deminishing. You are feeling quite insutled

5. This friend is not a member of the oposite sex, therefor you were not a one night (or a 6 year) stand and they did not meet someone new.

6.The last time you spoke with this person, they called specifically to thank you for something.

7. You do, infact, have no clue why they are P'd at you, ashamed of you, or embarassed to tell you what is going on in their life.

8.The last time you spoke with this person, they were seriously thinking about moving to a new place, so you don't exactly know where they live.

9. You recall how recently... well recently before they mysteriously started hating you, they had told you about how their mother had pointed out that you were the only friend that was always there for them, and this friend agreed.

10. You went through a "screw them" fase where You honestly thought, "who needs a friend like that" and had no desire whatsoever to see them ever again.

11. it only lasted a month or so before it got under your skin again, and drove you crazy that someone would delibrately blow you off repeatedly, as if you didn't know gazillions of secrets about them that you could use to destroy them.

12. It has now been aprox 9-10 months since you last spoke with this friend, but you remember them unexpectedly 1-3 times a week. (a book, movie,etc reminds you of them) Oh freak, why are you so obsessed. You are acting like you got dumped.

13. You still have their phone number, as well as their parents phone number adress ( to either get her adress or have them forward mail), but lets face it. After leaving 8-10 un-returned messages on your friend's voicemail, you do get the message, or at least a vague Idea of it, and you don't want to become a stalker friend freak, and you think that you should respect their never-verbally-expressed-wishes to never speak to you again.

14.You know it is always possible that this friend could have become depressed and withdrawn and was too embarassed to call you after blowing you off.

15. You wonder if you are rationalizing clinging on to a bad friend by rationalizing that it is not jerky for a once very good friend to suddenly stop calling you, and refuse to answer everytime you called them.

16. You haven't attempted to call them in about 4.5 months.

17. You recently learned they have a fairly new facebook account, thanks to the stalkerness of that whole newsfeed on your homepage, and the fact that a friend of yours added them as a friend.

18. This gives you yet another avenue to contact themr and say "What the 'heck'"--- At least cuss me out for something I did"

19. You still face the delima of wanting to respect their wishes of not talking to you, especially since you know they are perfectly practiced in ignoring other people's heartfelt letters, text messages, e-mails, phonecalls, etc when they don't want to confront a situation.... So why couldn't they ignore yours.


So this whole situation bugs me, and I don'tknow how to deal with myself.

Good bye, and remember:
"WHO NEEDS A PRIVATE DIARY WHEN YOU CAN POST IT ONLINE"

um... journal

So, the other day I typed up a journal entry (since I have gotten quite bad at actually writting it by hand), and saved it locked with a password. Not just any password, mind you, but the password that I use for everything... because who cares if Brett sneeks in and reads it- I mean, I think he already knows I have a crush on him anyway. It's more for if anyone else uses my computer.

But here is my problem... I can't even find it. Did I hide the file from myself- then again, I was rather tired, maybe I posted it online somewhere. that could potentially dangerous, 'cause, like, if Brett finds out I have a crush on him, he might come home and bring me flowers, but if my other boyfriends find out about him... oh no, what have I done.

I just finnished searching my computer, and it cannot find the file, so there goes the "I saved it in the wrong spot" theory.

This computer thing might not work for me... sure it is alot faster to type than to handwrite a journal entry, but what is the point if I am going to loose it. Stupid PC.

All it takes is one.

I, naturally, am kind of embarassed I ever attempted to do this. I typically don't tell anyone I have this page, and I really don't think anyone reads it, so Why exactly am I here?

Well mostly I figure that if some grandma can have a blog entirely dedicated to her "adorable" lap dog, an a 15 year old boy can write telling you exactly why his scateboard is cooler than yours.... well, Let's just say I cannot single handedly bring down the blog world- No matter how lame I get... and, of course, I need to put something out there in the world for masses of strangers to mock, should they stroll on by.

Now, my cousin- probably the only one to ever read my blog.... in fact, probably the only one I have ever told I have a blog- has told me that the time has come for me to write something new. Regardless of wether or nor it is interesting. And so, I have decided to put a little more effort in this, because even if Ben is the only one to ever read this, at least I can whine about something to someone, because all it takes is one reader. And, if even he bores of my meaningless chatter, well, then I shall quit.

Every employee should have one.

I recently noticed that every place I have worked the last few years has a superior toilet stall.

By superior, of course, I don't mean that the janitor puts special toilet paper in it, or that one has a greater tendency to have been flushed, but rather that one stall simply has a greater charisma than the others. I am often drawn to one toilet stall right off the bat and am forever loyal thereafter... I will admit there are times,, however, when it does take a few days for me to establish this connection. Simply put, not all toilet colonies have an equally strong leader.

The sad thing is, I am more possesive of my stall than I am of my husband... maybe it is a trusst issue. I don't fret or wory about jelousies with my husband, because he is whooped. My stall, however, may not be quite so wrapped around my finger. What if it should replace me with another frequent visitor? two-timing toilet.... but it is true- my visits are saddened greatly when I find my toilet with another woman... I shamefully sulk to another stall and actually concider whether it would be too obvious if I wait for that person to leave so I can have some quality time with my toilet. Then I imagine myself standing in line for a toilet when there are 7 other's open.

I am somewhat concerned about this attatchment of mine. I thought at first, it was just a habbit- going to your stall, like sitting in your favorite chair... but then I discovered that I am a lone toilet elitist... no one else has a favorite stall- but at least I dont bite my fingernails.

Web Cam Glam

Temporary space filler from my growing obsession with web cams. I just through a bunch in so that I do't quite look lame... although it is likely fairly obvious that my blog sucks. I don't know where it came from, but I do have a sudden facination with the archaic web cam technology. There is something addictive about taking low quality photos on a dinky camera with no manual control. Maybe I can